If I could go back to any day in my life, I would always choose the day that I first saw you. When I walked in through that door, little did I know that the love of my life was just standing on the other side of the room. And amidst all the commotion around us, I found you. I finally found you. For a second, I swear, I forgot how to breathe. And it’s funny because breathing is involuntary – yet I find it amazing that in your presence, I would have to recall the process of breathing in and out because if I don’t, I’ll surely die, and in that case I will never be able to know your name.
There’s no denying it, the first time I heard your voice was also the first time all the concepts of love that I had in my mind somehow came to life. It’s so amazing how someone can make you feel so much with just one word – “Hi”. And every time your eyes meet mine, it feels as if my heart is beating out of my chest and I have never felt so alive. I want you to know that my soul has never been this happy.
Love, I am craving for early mornings with you. I want to wake up every day before you just so I could see you in your most unguarded behavior and thank God for creating such a beautiful masterpiece. You may feel a bit flawed and your heart may be guarded with walls but I swear that my love for you is greater than anything that may come between us. Your imperfections only prove that you are human and it is not impossible for you to fall in love with me too. I am clinging onto that little spark of hope that somehow, maybe some way, you also feel the same way about me.
I want to be the one who makes you feel beautiful every minute of every day because you don’t deserve any less than that. I want to prove to you that your heart is safe with me, so you need not be afraid. Please, take a chance on me. I will be worth it. We will be worth it – trust me. I am not rich; and honestly, I don’t have much to offer. But if you let me, I will show you that none of those little things can measure up to the life we can build together. I may not be able to give you the future you’ve dreamt about for years but I will always try my best to give you all that you deserve.
It’s not as if we had one of those late night conversations because we didn’t. All we had was just a casual, friendly exchange of words. Yes, you will always remember me from the nights we stayed up late together. But I know deep down, I will never be more than just a distant memory. And it hurts not knowing if I actually meant something to you. Can you give me at least that? Just so I know where I stand with you. Tell me, am I the only one in this?
I guess the point of this letter is to accept the fact that no matter how good and compatible two people may seem, some are just not meant to be together – no matter how deeply in love they are; no matter how hard they try. I want you; I want all of you despite knowing I never had a chance to begin with. The thing is though, every time I try to move on, you do something that makes me want to stay. You pull me back each and every time I go.
I guess it’s true when they said that in life, we can’t always get what we want and that sometimes, we just have to be okay with that. I met the right person at the right time only to find out it was in the wrong era. This kind of love is yet to be accepted and maybe that’s one of the reasons why your values might not be the same as mine. So maybe, just maybe, in another life, you’re still the one made for me and I, I’m finally the one meant for you.
If I could go back to any day in my life, I would always choose the day that I first saw you just so I can fall in love with you all over again. ‘Cause no matter how much it hurts that I can’t be with you now, I can’t deny that you made me feel things I haven’t felt in a really long time. You made me believe that my heart is capable to feel love again. Baby, you have my foolish heart.
Nika A. 